I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
