May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
