Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
