Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
