Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
