playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
