the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
