Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
