In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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