omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
