while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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