New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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