Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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