I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
