My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yo dont text me then not text me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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