Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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