in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
