I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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