SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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