Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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