I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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