she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
