So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
