This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
