party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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