Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
