someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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