Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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