DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
