hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
