Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Your face is a jimmy john
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
