I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.