I just pynch a tree in the face
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*