So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.