After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.