Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex