After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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