Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
