Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
