He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
