Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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