I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
