I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
