I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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