Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
