I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
