Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize