We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
