I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
