Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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