Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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