Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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