so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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