Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
