I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
