I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
