Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
