He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it's like iHOP with fire
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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