How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
