Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
