Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
