Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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