8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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