I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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