No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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