guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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