I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
