Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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