I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
