I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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