Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
