I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
