i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
