Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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