Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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