so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
