Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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