At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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