:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
