ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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