Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
