is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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