I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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