just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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